28-year-old woman refuses to give her younger brother $4500 after he's been begging for money for years, mom insists that it's her duty as his older sister to help him: '

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Mar 11, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

Anyone who has been in the cycle of giving a family member money knows precisely how it goes. They mess up, you fix their problem by throwing the money they ask for at it, and they keep making the same mistakes over and over again because they know that they have you to fall back on. It obviously depends on the person, but once you tell someone through their actions that you will bail them out whenever they're in a bind, they will be more likely to rely on that service. Despite what some prideful people say, it's extremely easy to ask someone for a couple of thousand bucks, especially compared to the effort it takes to save a couple of thousand bucks. Whether it's easier to set boundaries with a family member about borrowing money or cough up money that barely makes a dent in your savings is the real question.

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  • The sister in this story decided that setting a boundary with her younger brother was worth it, but it has come at a price. Now, her brother and her mother have turned against her, telling her that it's her responsibility to help him out of the financial rut he always seems to be in.

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    Cheezburger Image 10478701312
    via Luca Nicoletti

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    AITA for not giving my brother money for rent after my mom shamed me for prioritizing my own family?

    I (28F) have two kids, 3 and 7, and a husband (30M). We're doing our best to stay on top of things financially, but it's hard. We both work full-time, and we're saving for the future, paying off debt, and just trying to make sure our kids have everything they need. The last few years have been a struggle, but we're getting there.
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
  • 03
    A few hours ago, my brother (mid-20s) called me, and he asked me to lend him $4,500 for his rent because he's behind on payments. He's been struggling financially for a while now because of poor spending habits, and now he's in danger of being evicted. He said his life would “fall
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
  • 04
    apart" if I didn't help. I told him I couldn't. We're not in a position to throw around that kind of money, especially since I have my own family to take care of. Plus, he's been asking for help like this for years, and I just don't think it's right to keep bailing him out.
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
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    Cheezburger Image 10478701568
    via Jas Rolyn

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Later, my mom called me and really laid into me. She said I was being selfish and that "family comes first." She told me I could always rebuild my savings later and that I should help my brother because he's in a crisis. She even said, "Don't you want to show your kids what family is supposed to be? That's the kind of example you should be setting." She
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
  • 07
    accused me of choosing my own family over him and said I needed to grow up and "be there for your brother when he needs you." Now, she doesn't speak to me but is telling other relatives that I'm "heartless" and "unsupportive." They themselves are calling me telling me that she is calling around saying that.
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
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    via Linoleum Creative Collective

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    My husband is fully on my side, but I feel like I'm being torn apart by the guilt from my mom and brother. Also Im sorry if this text is too long. I just. I dont know, wanted to vent
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
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    soochie001 Tell your mom to fork over the $4,500 if really feel so strong about helping family. Ask her what her grandkids will think of her if she let her son go homeless.
    via u/soochie001
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    Bubbly_Bubble_1422 OP She literally blaims me for how his life is, saying that i as the big sister should take care of him!
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
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    soochie001 Nope. Tell her that's her job!
    via u/soochie001
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    Bubbly_Bubble_1422 OP She hung up when she said all that horrible stuff to me, and then she has blocked my number!
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
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    Ok-Abbreviations4510 Then that's perfect. You don't have to deal with her anymore.
    via u/Ok-Abbreviations4510
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    Hot_Aside_4637 Good. This is ab e. Pure and simple. Stop putting up with it. Also, never talk about finances or purchases or anything with them or any relative. The answer should always be "I don't have the money". Period. If they say take out a loan, tell them to do it. Stop any conversation about money.
    via u/Hot_Aside_4637
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    I also suggest locking down your credit. This is the type of situation where one of them might try to take out a loan in your name. Then guilt you into not reporting it and taking the debt. Put a lock on your credit (and your kid's SSN) NOW.
    via u/Hot_Aside_4637
  • 17
    1127_and_Im tired She just gave you your opening to go low contact. It hurts now but is a blessing in the long run, with a mother like that. Block her back and keep your family safe and loved. Sending hugs!
    via u/1127_and_Im_tired
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    RevolutionaryBad4470 Your mother is not a very smart or sensible woman, I wouldn't put too much value into what she says. You're responsible for the children YOU brought into the world, not her incompetent man child.
    via u/RevolutionaryBad4470
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    WeOnceWereWorriers Your mother has failed as a parent. Both in regards to your brother AND in regards to looking out for you. She would happily sacrifice YOU to keep your brother's head above water a little longer, until he drowns everyone along with himself
    via u/WeOnceWereWorriers
  • 20
    LizzGomez You're taking care of your own family, which is your priority. You've helped your brother before, and it's unreasonable for him to keep asking for large sums of money when he's not making efforts to change his financial habits. Your mom's guilt trip is unfair, and you should not feel pressured into jeopardizing your family's well-being. It's important to set boundaries, and you made the right call by saying no
    via u/LizzGomez
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    Bubbly_Bubble_1422 OP They really laid it on me. I feel so bad and i want to be a good person, but i am in an impossible position, and them throwing it in my face is so vile.
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
  • 22
    LizzGomez • 19h ago I understand how you feel, but you've done the right thing by prioritizing your family. Helping doesn't always mean giving money; it's also about teaching responsibility. You shouldn't feel guilty for setting boundaries
    via u/LizzGomez
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    Bubbly_Bubble_1422 OP Its just so unfair the treatment i am getting for simply laying boundaries, and why am i the only one that is "able" to fix it?
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
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    BasicRabbit4 • 18h ago Bc you're the one who they can pressure and guilt. Stop being that person. Protect your peace and don't answer their calls
    via u/BasicRabbit4
  • 25
    Accomplished_Pea6334 NTA. Props to you for not enabling your brother. This is kinda an issue I am dealing with at the moment with my wife and she cannot say NO.
    via u/Accomplished_Pea6334
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    Bubbly_Bubble_1422 OP How do you guys handle that situation. I truly do not know how to handle this, even though i did say no to my brother
    via u/Bubbly_Bubble_1422
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    Accomplished_Pea6334 I think as adults we all make decisions that affect the outcome of the present and future. I don't tell my wife not to loan money but I do tell her what does this teach them? We have had instances she has loaned her sister money and she has not paid us back.
    via u/Accomplished_Pea6334
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    We continue to have this conversation everytime it happens and in reality, if we continue to loan them money we become enablers. Finally, this takes away from your family, especially your kids. Anyone who asks for money and isn't good for it can take a hike, family or not. Do not listen to your mom, she is an enabler as well (respectfully).
    via u/Accomplished_Pea6334

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